


Special Delivery

by NonbinaryHylian (chicagoartnerd)



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Pizza Place, Blow Jobs, Food Sex, M/M, Pizza, Porn Video, Porn with Feelings, Praise Kink, Pre-War, Shameless Smut, Sticky Sexual Interfacing, Valve Play (Transformers)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2020-07-23 08:44:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20005519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chicagoartnerd/pseuds/NonbinaryHylian
Summary: Swerve is a pizza delivery guy, he also owns the pizza place so not that pathetic okay, he's not the only employee at least! Riptide makes the pizza...Swerve delivers it, and in the case of one customer in particular he serves it with a smile and some mild flirting.That is until said customer invites him in one night to give him something more than a massive tip. He gives him that too but uh, Swerve isn't complaining about getting either.





	Special Delivery

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ros3bud009](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ros3bud009/gifts).



> This is just silly smut with feelings, because I can't write a Swerve fic where he isn't immediately jumping into marrying someone because ughhhhhh Swerve is a depressed disaster Queer who loves puns...I empathize too much with him not to want him to be super loved and happy. And Misfire and he are soulmates, that shit is cannon. I tried to throw in as many pizza/customer service jokes/innuendos as possible because they are those types of bots. 
> 
> Also this fic started off as an idea by @ oldrobos on Twitter aka ros3bud009 on here. Hope you enjoy it!!!! <3!
> 
> I kinda want to write a second silly little chapter for this but it's mechpreg...hey if anyone wants to read that let me know in the comments otherwise this fic is just this porny oneshot! Hope ya'll enjoy it.

Swerve was wary delivering to this particular address the first time.

Anyone would have been when the person who ordered the pizza was apparently named Swindle. The next time he delivered to the same address the name on the order was “No. B0d33.” And the time after that it was “Mister-E.” The same bot always answered the door though. He was a leggy flyer, a maroon and black mech with an easy smile. He didn’t know his real designation but he did notice him always flirting shamelessly with him. Which Swerve couldn’t get mad at him for, he didn’t get flirted with very often. Customers rarely noticed him, let alone in flirted with him. 

So he always took it in stride, maybe he flirted back a little, were pizza puns flirting?

The mystery bot would wink and hit him with a cheesy line like, “You’re pizza is the best because it gets here and its still super hot, just like the cute bot who delivers it.” And Swerve would blush and demure and tell him his total. He knew the other bot was serious too because he always tipped him too much. Like almost the whole price of the pizza too much.

Probably serious at any rate.

He was a pizza delivery guy after all, and what he considered serious interest could just be playfulness and a generous tipping streak. He couldn’t deny that the other bot seemingly loved wordplay and trashy movie quotes just as much he did. Swerve tried not to look forward to delivering to this address every time it popped up in the queue. But he did. It was sad, flirting with the mystery bot who apparently lived in a condo in the ritzy Rodion Spires was the highlight of his days right now. 

He technically owned the business. Riptide cooked the pizzas, he was like some sort of pizza wizard the way he smelted toppings and cooked the thin crust just on the right side of too crispy. But Swerve did everything else. The maintenance, the deliveries, the financials. He was a small business owner in every sense of the phrase, as he was a minibot with a two man pizza franchise named after himself. 

_ Swerve’s _ made the best pizza in Rodion. Probably the best pizza in nearby Iacon if he wanted to brag.  _ Visage’s _ had terrible pizza, it was mostly a bar with kitchen,  _ Swerve’s _ pizza was a work of art. His actual storefront was a hole in the wall with a counter for orders and two stools up against the window if someone wanted to scarf down a slice there. The whole building smelled like their homemade smokey purple energon sauce and selenite cheese. It was also oppressively hot as Riptide fired the smelters long before and after the restaurant closed. He had to keep the cheese and crust molten for the molds to work. Swerve had invested in a coolant dispenser after the first week of business, both Riptide and he had been sweating so much they had been steaming. 

It wasn’t fancy but it was all his. He had worked hard to save up for it and he wasn’t wasting his shot. 

He was a forged metallurgist, he should have been in an underground lab somewhere, for a while he had been and in a way he was still, just not how the Functionist Council would have wanted. They had less power now that Cybertron had allied with a bunch of organic planets, The Great Cybertronian Taxonomy tended to carry less weight when you were supposed to be respectful partners to a race of jaguars that walked on two legs. Businesses like his didn't last long once the Council took notice though. But so far Swerve had remained under their radar and operating and he intended to keep it that way. He was dotting all his glyphs and crossing no one as best he could. 

Sure, he had to grease a few palms here and there to make sure his mineral supplies were legitimate and fresh, everything he did was above board though. Nothing they could nail him with even if they had evidence. 

This business, his pizza parlor, was the only thing that mattered in his life right now. Pathetic, he knew it was and the only friend he had to complain about it to right now was Riptide, still this place was his dream and he was living it. So yeah he was a pizza delivery guy, he was also a pizza business owner! One day there would be a  _ Swerve’s _ in every city on Cybertron, maybe some on both moons. He knew it would happen, his fuel was delicious, cheap, and fast. An unbeatable combination! Or so the reviews on his Yelp! page had said... 

Swerve had ground his way through life, dodging every obstacle his alt-mode threw up in his path, and persevering. Because the alternative was just too depressing. He had to at least try! Living your dream started small, at least for bots like him it did. Swerve made every delivery with a smile, got there fast, and delivered every single pizza while it was still molten in the lead lined boxes. 

He knew the funny mech with all the pseudonyms usually just ordered a medium double selenite cheese so he was kinda confused when the order had come in for a large with extra hot caesium sausage from the address in Rodion he had long ago memorized. 

Swerve arrived a little earlier than his projected delivery window so he wasn’t surprised when he was buzzed into the building instead of met at the door. What was a surprise was that no one was at the door when he reached the condo. 

Instead he heard someone yell faintly from inside. “The door’s unlocked, uh, would you mind coming in for a sec?”

The Earth time unit made him smile. Cybertron had made Earth a trading post and ally a while ago and one of the best things they had learned from the humans was all their wordplay and phrasing, also all their TV series were phenomenal, especially the animated ones. And of course humans had invented pizza, at least the style of pizza  _ Swerve’s _ made. Most Authentic Earth Style Eats This Side of Praxus; was what the awning outside the parlor said anyhow. He was definitely pleased to know his favorite customer liked Earth lingo as well. 

Swerve shrugged even though he knew no one could see him before opening the door all the way and climbing the small flight of stairs up into the living room of the condo. What he found was not what at all what he had been expecting. Not that he had been suspecting anything untoward in particular, a normal looking home with a couch and a table maybe? 

What he got was the bright lights, draped white backdrops, and conspicuously placed gigantic berth of an erotic film set. The mech that had always picked up the pizzas and flirted with him was grinning at him nervously from the center of the bed, which he was handcuffed to, in what looked like military grade stasis cuffs. 

Swerve probably should have left. 

He didn’t, he simply gaped at the other mech before he sputtered. “I swear I am legitimately just a pizza guy. A regular, normal, non-porn variety delivery mech. If you’re looking for something other than that I don’t think I can deliver.”

The maroon and black flyer laughed and grinned at him genuinely. “Oh I’m done with work for the day, no worries about that! I uh, actually just need help getting out of these cuffs. Sometimes my crew likes to tease, not very nice of them I know, but I’ll get ah, them back for it later.”

So. His mystery crush, yup he was definitely a crush at this point, was porn performer. All the pizza delivery guy innuendos suddenly seemed ten times hotter than they had been when he thought they were just jokes at his expense. 

Certainly this mech’s profession was more interesting than being a pizza restaurateur. He followed the bot’s pleading red optics and saw the remote for the stasis cuffs leaning conspicuously against the wall behind the glare of the harsh lights. He set the pizza box down and walked over the remote, clicked it on and heard the cuffs hum as they deactivated. 

The other mech stood immediately and flexed his wrists and arms in relief before turning to address Swerve warmly. “Oh thank you! I should probably be embarrassed with how long it took me to figure out how to get someone to come over here and take these off. I wouldn’t say days but hm... maybe it was most of one whole day. Seriously you’re my hero, Mr. Normal Non-Porn Pizza Delivery Mech.” 

Swerve snorted and waved at him dismissively even though he was definitely blushing energon pink. “No problem. Seriously I’ve been asked to do way weirder things in the name of delivering a pizza. Have you ever been Lower Kaon after second moonrise? Also the name’s Swerve, it’s my pizza place,  _ Swerve’s _ that is.”

The other bot lit up at that as he made his way to the pizza box and opened it. “I did look you up after the first time, so I do know that much. My name’s Misfire...well the only name that matters is Misfire, and it’s what you can call me Mr. Gallant Savior Pizza Mech Swerve.” He winked playfully at him as he took a big bite of a slice of the steaming pizza.

And yup he was still flirting. He should just ask for payment and leave. That would be the right thing to do, the professional thing, instead he was gawking at Misfire deepthroating an entire long, gooey piece of pizza while he didn’t break optic contact with him. 

He...scrap he didn’t have the kind of self control needed not to watch him do that. 

He was pretty sure that Misfire absolutely wanted him to watch him do that as well, so it was okay, probably. Swerve didn’t have any upcoming deliveries in his HUD but he would get some any time now, he really should be getting back to work. 

Misfire was licking his black fingers and Swerve’s feet might as well have been bolted to the ground as they watched each other. He did take a hesitant step backwards when Misfire rose from his crouch in front of the pizza box in one fluid motion and stalked over to him in the shadows just outside the ring of studio lights. 

The bigger bot looked amused as he leaned down to murmur in his audial. “You know, as much as I love you being a normal, regular, pizza delivery guy, I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t dreamed of you being one of the naughty variety too.”

Swerve swallowed hard. Wow. 

Yeah, this had gone from flirting to propositioning real quick. He was not going to complain per say but he really should not being doing this while out on delivery. He opened his mouth to tell Misfire that although he was flattered and definitely interested he’d have to decline for now. 

Then his head jerked down at the loud thunk of Misfire’s knees hitting the floor in front of him. 

His optics were mischievous as he looked up at Swerve. “As delicious as your pizza is I think there’s something else of yours I’d rather have in my mouth. If you’ll let me taste it that is?”

Swerve’s engine made a rather embarrassing whine as he nodded so quickly it made his neck struts rattle. For once he found himself at a loss for words. Misfire purred as he rubbed his face against his red array panel and Swerve opened it with a loud click almost immediately afterwards. 

Misfire chuckled breathlessly as he ghosted his lips over the tip of his short, thick, and heavy silver and red spike. Swerve gasped as he took the head of it into his mouth with an enthusiastic slurp. His mouth was hot and wet and he was too distracted to answer the ping on his public line at first. When he noticed it the second time and realized it was a comm from Misfire, not another customer, he rerouted it to his internal comms. 

Misfire’s awed voice filled his HUD. “Oh Swerve...it’s just like how I pictured it, perfect. You’re perfect. I kept thinking about this every time I was eating your pizza and it was getting really ridiculous. Imagining your fat spike choking me while eating half a whole pizza rolled up in my fist. Like I’m pretty sure at this point just the smell of hot cheese will get me dripping wet. Some sort of weird Pavlovian reaction I accidentally fragged into my own brain but hey I’m finally getting to suck off the pizza guy from my fantasies so yay!”

Swerve spat static as Misfire hummed around his spike, sucking it all the way into his intake with some effort. 

His voice was higher and more strained than usual as he replied in the internal chat. “That’s...ah, you know if you were unsatisfied with your previous orders you could have let me know and I would have been happy to, uhn, to re-do them more to your ahhhh, exact specifications.”

Misfire braced his hands on his hips and squeezed his aft affectionately as he deepthroated his wide chubby spike and spoke to him in a low purr in the internal chat. “I knew I should have asked earlier! I’ll admit I’m being mmmm forward right now but all my crew was making fun of me for having a huge crush on the pizza delivery guy and being too shy to just proposition you on set. The thing was I wasn’t sure if you were just being friendly or actually interested at first. Then when I was pretty sure you were, well I uh, I wasn’t sure if you’d like it, what with all the pizza delivery mech porno implications. But I’m so so glad all of that was just me being silly.”

It was too much, in the best way. He couldn’t speak for other delivery bots but he had thought about this, once or twice, or maybe every night for weeks on end. Specifically about Misfire. Scrap. He was so done for. Oh and he hadn’t been with anyone like this in, er too long. 

Swerve bucked up against his hands as Misfire’s tongue rolled underneath the head of his spike and moaned out loud. “Misfire! I...I want to, this is, I’m not gonna last I’m so sorr-”

Misfire sucked him harder, moving his head up and down as Swerve’s hands flew to grip his finials, hard. He responded in internal comms. “Never apologize for enjoying yourself, especially when I’m having such a good time too. I’d enjoy touching myself right now, believe me, but this is all about you. Let go if you want to babe. I’ve got you.”

Swerve shuddered, he was so close. Misfire’s husky encouragement in the internal comm finally sent him over the edge. “Come for me beautiful, I want to watch you overload down my throat.”

Swerve groaned loudly as he looked down into Misfire’s too bright red optics and overloaded. The sight of his dark gray lips stretched obscenely wide over his spike made him wonder if that was what his valve would look like with him inside it as well. Swerve’s spike twitched violently in an aftershock but Misfire took it all in stride, sucking him gently through it and swallowing all his transfluid with relish. Optics watching his face for his reactions hungrily. 

When he finally started to come down from the overload he felt Misfire pull off and then watched in hazy awe as he leaned up and pulled Swerve down towards him, brushing his lips over his in a tease. “I want to ride your wonderful spike the rest of the night but I know you take your business very seriously so I totally understand if you need to get back to work. Although I’m kinda hoping you’ll uh, clock out early, at least this once for your, oh, new number one favorite customer.”

Swerve pinged Riptide aloud so Misfire could hear him. “Hey Tides! I know I never close early for any reason ever but something important has, uh, come up, so I’m gonna be busy the rest of the evening. Go ahead and close the order queue and refund anyone who ordered for delivery later tonight. I’ll see you tomorrow at open.”

Riptide responded with a confused affirmative as Swerve shut down the line to speak to Misfire directly. “There are some perks to being a small business owner, one of them is closing whenever the frag I want. Right now I really, really, don’t want to go back to work.”

Misfire’s grin was wide and a little manic as he flopped back onto the berth and spread his sliver thighs wide. His array panel transformed away to reveal his leaking valve, it was indeed the same color as his lovely dark gray mouth. 

He brushed his fingers along the folds, pulling them apart and giving Swerve an excellent view of the red biolights that disappeared just inside his opening. He tore his optics away from it when Misfire bit his lip and spoke in a low murmur. “That’s too bad then, because I was really hoping you’d come over here and stuff my crust.”

Swerve swallowed hard, that was terrible. It really shouldn’t have been as hot to him as it was. Puns were hot sometimes though. Damn Misfire was so beautiful. Before he could stop himself Swerve walked over to him on the berth, his hips exactly the right height to meet Misfire’s if he stayed standing. He lined himself up and carefully removed Misfire’s playful fingers before pushing the head of his spike into just his opening, muttering. “I see, well good thing you’re my new number one favorite customer. I’d be happy to make a special delivery, something off the secret menu that only you can order.”

Misfire called out his name loudly as he arched up off the berth, clawing holes in the bright white sheets. Swerve hissed as he sunk all the way into his slick valve, and yes those dark, silky protomesh folds did look just as good as his mouth had straining to grip around his spike. He sent a silent prayer up to Primus that he could last a little bit longer this time. At least long enough to overload Misfire first. He deserved it.

Swerve rolled his hips in a circle and ground their pelvic plating together, bumping up against Misfire’s glowing red anterior node. 

He shrieked and gripped his shoulders hard, pulling him against him onto the bed. Swerve repeated the motion again, this time a little faster and Misfire’s hips snapped up to meet his. He felt so good! His valve was rippling and pulling him in as deep as he would go, practically milking him. He hoped that meant Misfire was a close to an overload as he was as he moved desperately inside him. 

Swerve started babbling when he was close, he kinda started babbling whenever he was overwhelmed, it was a thing. He couldn’t help it as he blurted out. “Sscrapp! Misfire! Where have you been all my life?!”

Misfire moaned as he bucked up against him. “My processor is glitching out, I can barely form words you’re fraggin’ me so good, and you want me to remember my renters history!?”

Swerve laughed and it became a shout as Misfire’s valve rippled around him. He growled and leaned up to kiss Swerve. It was their first kiss and it was sloppy and wet, which was great. Misfire wrapped his arms around his neck and kissed him deeper, the new angle making Swerve’s thick spike slip in even deeper. They both shuddered against each other at the sensation and then he was wrapping his thighs around his waist. Swerve took the hint and thrust up into him hard, hitting some deep seated node at the back of his valve. 

Misfire screamed against his mouth silently as he overloaded in a wave of sparks, his red optics blanking white. The sight and feel of him around him was enough to make Swerve come as well. Misfire whimpered against his mouth as his transfluid spurted up deep into him in two hot pulses. They stayed like that, panting against each other as their cooling fans whirred angrily, trying in vain to do their jobs.

Misfire leaned his forehead against his as his optics slowly blinked back online. “I...is it too early to propose? Because I want to be conjunxed to Mr. Pizza Delivery Mech after an overload like that. I think you might have just fragged me right past dating directly into matrimony. Primus, Swerve.”

Swerve spat static at that little confession and Misfire pulled back and looked at him slightly worried before Swerve waved a hand at him desperately. “No! I mean yes!? Slag it, I was going to ask you to move in with me immediately because there was no way I’m not going to want to do this with you every day for the rest of my functioning. But uh, I thought that might be a bit too forward. Conjunxing sounds good though, a nice slow, even burn.”

And Misfire was kissing him again! That was, yes that was a good response, the correct response. 

He startled as Misfire rolled him around and pushed his back down into the soft berth. He was still buried inside him and when he started to ride him slowly, his hips lazily meeting his own, Swerve’s spike was instantly at full pressure again.

Misfire’s thighs shook and his wings danced in little shimmying circles behind his back as he looked down at Swerve adoringly before he released his own long black spike into his hand. Swerve watched him stroke it in time with the movement of his hips and felt his third overload starting to build. His spike was long and thin like most flyer’s, magenta and red biolights flickered brightly up the sides of it and Swerve very much wanted it inside him.

As if reading his mind Misfire grinned down at him with all his teeth. “I didn’t release it earlier because it would have blocked my view of your amazing spike splitting me wide open but you don’t have to worry. I’m definitely interested in switching positions, multiple times, as many times as both of us can handle, maybe a few more times after that. It’s been a while since I’ve been reduced to a drooling puddle of spent trans and oral fluid but I’m looking forward to it.”

Swerve was looking forward to it as well, he hadn’t been thinking of it till that exact moment but now it was all his was thinking of...and well it as a hell of a sight. Misfire watched his face avidly as he started to move up and down on his spike harder and faster. 

Swerve’s hands flew to his hips and he ground his blunt red fingers into the joints there while chanting Misfire’s name over and over again, it didn’t take either one of them long after that. He wasn’t sure which one of them overloaded first but it didn’t really matter as Misfire slid off of him and ground his spike up against the folds of his valve. Swerve couldn’t remember when he released the panel over it as well, he was enjoying the feel of Misfire rutting against it too much to care. 

He gasped as the head of his spike bumped against his anterior node. “Misfire! I...you haven’t paid for your order yet but I’d be willing to give it to you for free if you spike me right now!”

Misfire’s optics glinted darkly as he lined up his spike and thrust into him shallowly. Swerve’s engine keened in a high whine at the feel of him entering him. He was moving in him in teasing, light thrusts, and when he finally bottomed out both of them groaned at the same time. 

Swerve jumped when his HUD pinged him with a payment notification. Misfire had just paid for the pizza and tipped him 100 shanix.

He looked up at him with his mouth gaping open and Misfire just smiled shakily while grinding the head of his spike up against Swerve’s ceiling node. “I would be a terrible number one customer if I neglected to pay and then stiffed you on the tip. Believe me, you deserve every last shanix, you work so hard for me babe.”

Swerve bit his lip and then licked over it as he angled his hips up. “I believe you’ve given me more than just the tip and I’m not complaining about the stiffness yet so why don’t you show me some real customer appreciation here, future Mr. Pizza Delivery Mech's Conjunx.”

Misfire cackled and it turned into a stream of expletives as he fragged Swerve into the berth with abandon. He wasn’t sure how many times he overloaded because by the end of it both of them were aching puddles of extremely satisfied mech covered in every type of bodily fluid and some of the sauce and cheese from the pizza as well. He was pretty sure Misfire had eaten it and his valve at the same time, alternating between licking it off him and sucking anterior node, and that was definitely something he would now get to check off his bucket list.

He wasn’t sure how neither of them had fallen into recharge already when Misfire sighed as he spoke, his voice barely above a cracked whisper. “Okay so I have a confession to make. My crew left me handcuffed to the berth here on purpose because they were getting really tired of me pinning after you for months and not making a move and instead just ordering way too many pizzas. Also, I definitely made sure there were no cameras recording us before I sucked you off by the way. As fun as it would be for both of us to make a film together I want you to consent to that first you know? I hope my little deception doesn’t give you cold feet about our, hopefully still, impending vows?”

Swerve laughed weakly. “I’m going to have to give your crew a giant family discount if this was a result of their meddling. And you’re not getting out of conjunxing me that easily, we’re still on, unless you don’t want to be that is, because if that’s-”

Misfire cut off his rambling by rolling over onto his side and kissing him, his leg slung stickily over the mess splattered all over his hips. When he broke it off he snuggled his face into Swerve’s neck. “Nope. No regrets here. You’re stuck with me now, but on the bright side you can keep your 100% customer satisfaction rating on Yelp! You totally deserve five stars and another ride on my face. Tomorrow, or whenever we both wake up.”

Swerve groaned and looked at his chronometer. He was supposed to open the restaurant in three hours Earth time. He sent a text based comm to Riptide telling him they weren’t going to open again till tomorrow, oh and to mark down a week of vacation from the shop in his schedule several weeks from now for Swerve and Misfire’s upcoming honeymoon. 

Before he dropped into blissful recharge, the weight of his flyer pushing up against him comfortably, he paused. Swerve had never regretted being a delivery guy before, no matter how many times people had failed to tip him or straight up stolen pizza and his other tips from the rest of the night, but for the first time he was considering retiring. Or at least spending some of his savings to hire another driver. He had a feeling Misfire was going to be keeping him busy in some very fun and interesting ways and that he would need someone to pick up some of the extra duties he had at work. But all of that was a problem for tomorrow Swerve. 

Current Swerve was falling into recharge snuggled up against his new partner and he didn’t have a care in the world. 


End file.
